Crawlspace (excerpt)

Posted in Uncategorized by supergoing on October 4, 2012

“I have never paid much attention to my morality, being content in the past to trust God on that score. I suppose that in some naive and childish way I believed I was going to live forever and that death is an accident that only happens to someone else. But of course we all think that way.

On this night I lay in bed listening to the beat of my heart, which had been slamming away at the mattress beneath me. Suddenly it appeared to flutter and then stop. I could hear it no longer. Silence such as I’d never heard or ever believed was possible on this earth of birds and insects and machines- that was the silence that swarmed upon me. And in that moment I believed I’d died or that I had reached the moment directly preceding death- the transitional moment where a person stands on the threshold of two worlds, not quite in either.

It was a moment of sheer panic. My instinct was to cry out and leap up, to somehow claw my way back into the world of the living. But I was petrified of moving, for fear that the slightest motion on my part would drive me over the precipice.”

—  ’Crawlspace’ (1971), Herbert Lieberman, p.242-243

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